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Take music that’s aged 300 years, put it in a sleek, modern package, and give customers a benefit they’ve never had before:  the ability to carry ALL the works of Johann Sebastian Bach in their pocket.  Their BACH pocket, of course.

Just $182.25.

http://www.prestoclassical.co.uk/r/Teldec/2564661127

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I just heard the news that Pat Summerall died.

I had the pleasure of spending a long, cold evening with Pat, filming a TV commercial in the parking lot of what was then called Alltel Stadium in Jacksonville in January 2005. It was uncomfortable, unglamorous work for the old veteran of football. He did not tire nor settle for anything less than the best performance he knew he could give. He had a resonant, unmistakable voice. I’ll never watch a Cowboys-Redskins game or hear a spot for True Value Hardware without thinking of Mr. Summerall.pat-summerall-new-york-giants-head-shot-autographed-photograph-3362699.

Yesterday on Slate.com, writer Matthew J.X. Malady went into great detail to tell us how uncomfortable the word “moist” makes many people feel.

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/the_good_word/2013/04/word_aversion_hate_moist_slacks_crevice_why_do_people_hate_words.single.html

In “Why Do We Hate Certain Words? The curious phenomenon of word aversion,” Malady defines word aversion as “seemingly pedestrian, inoffensive words driving some people up the wall.” He explains that it is not the meaning of the word itself but the sound and sight of the word that make us averse to a word.  Ointment, crevice, fudge and navel also give many of us the creeps.

Back to moist.  Despite its being such a slimy word, the big three cake mix makers use moist as a key brand attribute. They’ve even turned moist into a sub-brand: Super Moist, Moist Deluxe, Moist Supreme.  Are we moist enough yet?  I can still sing the jingle from an old Duncan Hines spot : “So moist, so moistfully good, they’ll always come back for more.”  Moistfully?  It may have been slimy, but it stuck to my brain.

Do you think Betty, Duncan or the Pillsbury Doughboy will break ranks and dump moist in favor of something less offensive?

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ghk-duncan-hines-yellow-cake-mix-0410-s3-mdn1001029_051500700402_A_400 pillsbury moist

 

 

 

 

 

Last December the Huffington Post suggested five alternatives to moist: the Orwellian-Newspeaky “not dry,” along with “hydrated,” “good crumb,” “spongy,” and “divine.”  I don’t think we’ve hit the mark yet.  Let’s put that cake back in the oven and keep trying.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/10/hate-moist-word-alternatives_n_2259254.html

Baseball and advertising have always been partners.  Long before NASCAR and the Barclays Premier League brought us sports figures decked in suits of many logos, the outfield walls of Major League Baseball stadiums were checkered with a panorama of ads.  Outfield WallAll those ads probably made it harder for players to see the ball.
Outfield Wall 2But they gave the fans something to read between innings.  Remember, they didn’t have smartphones back then.  Now we just check our email when the teams are changing sides.Outfield Wall 3

“Zelig” is a treasure of a movie.  Woody Allen directed and starred in this 1980 masterpiece mockumentary that told the story of Leonard Zelig, a man whose body, voice and personality would change in the presence of the people surrounding him.  Leonard Zelig was a chameleon, a  total conformist – everything to everybody with no individuality of his own.  Zelig was everything and nothing at the same time.

Zelig Fat
Companies can fall into a Zelig trap with their brand strategies.  The National Coffee Association once ran a campaign with the message “coffee lets you calm yourself down AND picks you up.”  It’s work that looks like an old “Saturday Night Live” bit:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OR3zpPZnCbE   

Seriously, Coffee, do you pick me up or calm me down?  Pick one. Good brand strategies don’t have an “AND” in them.

“That’s not a strategy.  That’s TWO strategies separated by the word ‘AND’.” – Don Draper, “Mad Men

A good brand is a single idea, a main message, one well-honed proposition formed by sacrificing other good-but-not-great options.  A good brand is not “a little pregnant” or a “both-and” arrangement.  It’s not a Zelig.

Zelig French

Zelig Black

After perpetually rebranding himself into every possible variation of human, Leonard Zelig finally stopped changing. He learned to be himself, to be constant, to be true. Zelig buried everything he was not and became his own brand.  And he was a much happier man.

Zelig himself

It’s college-shopping season.  For high school seniors the clock is ticking.  Juniors are starting to realize this party’s not going on forever.  And so we parents of overscheduled teens must encourage our young scholars to visit colleges, to narrow down the field, to ask themselves “Where would I fit in?”

College MailAnd we must empty our mailboxes.  Because colleges like to mail stuff to high school students.

I don’t believe direct mail is dead, but I’m questioning it for the purposes of college recruiting. I wonder how much real direct marketing discipline is going on here:  the testing and measurement of multiple variables.  Customized messages.  Special offers.  Because it seems to me that we’re just getting “ads in the mail” at our house.  That’s not direct marketing.  That’s a waste of paper.  Especially when it’s mailed to teenagers, a group that loves to open and read paper mail about as much as they like to use their phones for talking.  They don’t.  And they don’t.

Smart marketing to this group is not easy.  The college prospect is a moving target:  A 17 year-old who rolls through the pipeline from junior to senior year in high school, visiting a few college campuses, listening to clueless peers, feeling nudged by parents and being forced to make a decision from hundreds of options with more propaganda than data, more emotion than logic, and a thousand distractions from the ACT to homecoming games to band practice.

Most universities have two marketing departments:  One in the business school full of Ph.Ds who teach marketing and publish heady research papers full of econometric models, and another that markets the school’s brand to prospective students.  You’d think an institution with two marketing departments and a big marketing budget could get marketing right.

I’ve spent time over the past three days reading Carnival’s official Facebook page:

https://www.facebook.com/Carnival?sid=0.6141771394759417

When all hell was breaking loose on Thursday night, I thought Carnival had an organized team of posers.  But the more I read this dialogue — a debate that’s not slowing down — I realize a LOT of people love Carnival and will continue to stand up for Carnival in a way I thought was reserved for religious and political beliefs, with the passion some of us have for our favorite football team.

I realize Carnival has managed the postings to keep some of the naysayers at bay — but it’s not all sugar-coated.  There’s a real fact-based (and perception-based) argument going on here, with hundreds of participants.

And the ones who love Carnival are shouting the loudest.

It’s a good match to watch in this off-season for American football.

This has been a fascinating evening.  I’ve been watching CNN and following the Twitter feed and Facebook page of Carnival Cruise Lines: https://www.facebook.com/Carnival?sid=0.5826209932565689

It reminds me of that line that Hal Holbrook’s character says to Bud Fox (Charlie Sheen):

Man looks in the abyss, there’s nothing staring back at him. At that moment, man finds his character. And that is what keeps him out of the abyss.

I’m watching a brand react in real time in a way that could never happen in a pre-social-media world. The Carnival Facebook page is a jousting match tonight.  Thousands are commenting. Some are eloquently applauding Carnival.  Some are accusing Carnival of deleting negative posts (I tested it — it’s true).

Carnival Bathrobes

Look at the bright side, passenger.  You got a free bathrobe out of this deal.

Carnival is looking into the abyss tonight.  What’s staring back is a mix of condemnation and praise. More praise than I expected.  I’ve been on a Carnival cruise — one that didn’t have any special problems — and I was not impressed.  But clearly there are some die-hard Carnival brand advocates.  Just what a brand needs on a dark night like this.

Podcasts are to media what Trefoils are to Girl Scout Cookies.  Most of us know they’re there, and most of us never order them.  Unless you’re like me.  I love podcasts.

It all started back in twenty-aught-six when I got my first iPod – a 1-gigabyte Nano.  I thought I was a hepcat.  I got on iTunes and quickly learned there’s more than music to play on a music player.  I discovered a whole world of podcasts.  And they were free.  Free is good.

Podcasts are advertiser-supported but not advertiser-heavy.  Advertising on podcasts could work for your brand.  Your ad runs in an uncluttered environment to an opted-in audience. Toyota advertises on “Stuff They Don’t Want You to Know,” a video podcast that delves into pop conspiracy theories.  Shari’s Berries is a regular on the hilarious “This Week with Larry Miller.”

I highly recommend “Manager Tools” and its companion “Career Tools,” two energetic weekly podcasts that provide detailed direction on how to work effectively inside a corporation.  “Manager Tools” host Mark Horstman is brilliant and full of tough-love advice, such as “You’re not paid to be you, you’re paid to be effective,” “You’re not that smart; they’re not that dumb,” and “It’s all about behavior.”

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Check it out for yourself.  Next time you’re on the iTunes Store search for whatever topic, title or person that interests you.  We all know “there’s an app for that.”  There’s also a podcast for that.

I feel like it’s December 23rd and the Christmas presents have already been opened. So much for anticipating what advertisers have in store for us during Sunday’s Super Bowl. Most, if not all, released their spots online this week. Coca-Cola and Volkswagen are already defending their work, which some say is defamatory.

Even if an ad is brilliant and stands up to initial scrutiny, do you think its impact is lessened by a Wednesday afternoon preview on your laptop instead of a Super Bowl Sunday debut on your big screen?

Advertisers clearly want to generate early buzz instead of waiting for the Monday morning recap. But as Kenny Rogers sang, “There’ll be time enough for countin’ when the dealin’s done.”

catbag3

Christmas gifts and Super Bowl ads should stay wrapped until their day has arrived.  And cats should never be put in bags to begin with.