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Kroger sells a product they call “Fat Free Half & Half.” Half & Half is supposed to be half cream, half whole milk, with a butterfat content of about 12%. TWELVE PERCENT. What’s the story, Kroger?

I invite spokespeople from Kroger, all members of the dairy industry, and anyone who has ever tried this product to comment.

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If you don’t live in Arkansas (and there’s a good chance you don’t) you’re missing the fun of Arkansas advertising.  Today in my fair city of Little Rock I was listening to a local radio station and the spokesman for a Chevrolet dealership pitched the Impala as “the car for the man who’s not trying to impress anybody.”

I doubt that’s what the folks in Detroit had in mind for copy, but you have to admit it’s unique. Not unique in the way Rosser Reeves intended for a USP.  I’d bet nobody else positions it the way we do in Arkansas.  The 2014 Impala. Shown here in Razorback Red.

The 2014 Chevy Impala. It's nothing special, and that's what's special about it.

The 2014 Chevy Impala. It’s nothing special, and that’s what’s special about it.

 

Conroe store ACADEMYIts name is simple, its logo features a capital A, but too many people call it “Sports Academy.” WRONG!!  It’s Academy Sports. OK, officially Academy Sports + Outdoors (with a plus sign).  Maybe people confuse it with Sports Authority, a smaller competitor with little to no retail presence in my neck of the nation.  Drives me nuts. It’s a good store with good stuff.  Get it right.

Have a nice day, and enjoy the 4th of July weekend, States United of America.

 

 

You read that right.  My Walgreen’s saline nasal spray, which is really just a small bottle of water, has no gluten in it.Bottle (1)

I think we’ve taken this gluten-free thing a little too far.  Bottle (2)

 

 

 

 

I know a lot of people need to avoid gluten in their diets.  But last time I checked, nasal spray is not in anybody’s diet.  On its website The American Diabetes Association says, “Gluten is found in wheat, rye, barley and any foods made with these grains.” There’s barley in beer.  So don’t squirt beer up your nose.  Probably wouldn’t be too pleasant.  Even if you don’t have a gluten problem.  

 

I feel like the kid who just found out about Santa Claus, or, in keeping with the season, the Easter Bunny.  My illusion has just been shattered.

Ozarka® water is not made in Arkansas.

I just assumed it was.  But what do I know, I live in Arkansas.  Nonetheless, I was just being logical, or intuitive, at least.  “OZARKA” sounds like it’s from around here, our “Natural State” of hot springs and rolling hills and trout fishing.  And the Ozark Mountains.

2014-04-15 Ozarka 2

Ozarka’s packaging boasts it’s made in Texas.  Texas?  Texas water?  Is that supposed to be good? I grew up in Houston.  I think the tap water in Little Rock tastes better. And there’s no such place as Hot Springs National Park, Texas.

Pull back  the curtain, Toto.  Egad, the Wizard of Ozarka is just one of many brands pumped out by Nestlé Waters North America.  Thus we have an Arkansas-sounding label coming from the Texas operations of a North American company based in Switzerland. Yodelayheehoo.

2014-04-15 Ozarka 1

Oh well, it’s just water, the commodity that’s increasingly never common.  Last time I checked, a liter of Evian was selling for $1.99 at the local Kroger.  A liter of Kroger’s store-brand water was 69 cents.  That’s a 188% premium for Evian. Some people take this brand thing way too seriously.  And the marketers smile.